the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
