Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
