apparently the secret to your success is patron
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
