good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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