brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
