I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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