If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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