Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
