So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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