So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
