direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
