Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
