i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
