Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
