I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
