And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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