She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
