hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
