Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
