somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
