I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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