but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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