No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
