I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
