i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
