I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
