Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
