i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
