god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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