the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
