Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
