we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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