my mouth tastes like poor choices
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
