I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
