she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
