You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
