i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My pussy is not your playground.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
