Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
