I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
