I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
