Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
