Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
