just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
