fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
