New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
