im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
