happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
