Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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