you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
