Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
