I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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